Originally Posted: FRIDAY, APRIL 24, 2009
"Criticism is often not so much about our achievements as it is an expression of the speaker’s perceived inferiority."
The speaker of the above statement is my counselor who has been such for over a year. I have learned a lot from him, and discovered even more about myself. He has had the thought above for some time, and shared it with me in a recent session. I happen to think he is right, although I would never had said it so, well, bluntly, but that is why I like him so much! The question it begs is “Why do we have such a need to feel superior to others?”
Many years ago I heard someone verbalize the thought that when people complain about you they are really complaining about themselves. It’s called projection. Example: “you are selfish” isn’t so much that the target is selfish, but that the speaker is selfish, and perhaps do not like that they are selfish. I have encountered many who say these sorts of things, and found that indeed they are usually commenting more on themselves than the subject of the moment. I find myself making these sorts of statements much less often than those around me, and wondered if I didn’t do it because I didn’t want to publically comment on myself or others. I have come to the conclusion that I am just far less judgmental than many and less extroverted (and vocal) than most, borne out by my INFP Myers-Briggs type.
Why are we so competitive? Why do we need so much to win in interpersonal situations? Why do we need to feel superior to those around us? My position for today is that the ego is the bad guy here, the ego as presented by Marianne Williamson in “A Return to Love” and subsequent books. Some excerpts:
The speaker of the above statement is my counselor who has been such for over a year. I have learned a lot from him, and discovered even more about myself. He has had the thought above for some time, and shared it with me in a recent session. I happen to think he is right, although I would never had said it so, well, bluntly, but that is why I like him so much! The question it begs is “Why do we have such a need to feel superior to others?”
Many years ago I heard someone verbalize the thought that when people complain about you they are really complaining about themselves. It’s called projection. Example: “you are selfish” isn’t so much that the target is selfish, but that the speaker is selfish, and perhaps do not like that they are selfish. I have encountered many who say these sorts of things, and found that indeed they are usually commenting more on themselves than the subject of the moment. I find myself making these sorts of statements much less often than those around me, and wondered if I didn’t do it because I didn’t want to publically comment on myself or others. I have come to the conclusion that I am just far less judgmental than many and less extroverted (and vocal) than most, borne out by my INFP Myers-Briggs type.
Why are we so competitive? Why do we need so much to win in interpersonal situations? Why do we need to feel superior to those around us? My position for today is that the ego is the bad guy here, the ego as presented by Marianne Williamson in “A Return to Love” and subsequent books. Some excerpts:
“…ego…as the ancient Greeks used it – as the notion of a small, separated self. It is a false belief about ourselves, a lie about who and what we really are.”
“The ego is our self-love turned into self-hatred.”
“The ego…draws us away from the love in our hearts. The ego is our mental power turned against ourselves…it proceeds to counsel us to look out for ourselves, at the expense of others. It teaches us selfishness, greed, judgment and small-mindedness.”
Ms. Williamson’s teaching is that love is the one thing that every human being is born with, and that fear is it’s polar opposite, and fear is completely learned during our life experiences. It’s a powerful tool in the upbringing of many. It helps to provide boundaries. We “imagine” many things that we are afraid of, “borrowing trouble”, and very few of them come to fruition. If we believe the teachings of the Law of Attraction (LOA) community, then we attract that which we think and believe, ergo the manifestation of at least a fraction of our fears. Would it not be better to focus on the love in our hearts, the possibilities it can bring forth, and manifest love rather than imagined situations?
The other connection between Ms. Williamson’s teachings and the developing LOA beliefs is centered on energy. In Ms. Williamson’s world, love isn’t material, but rather energy. Recent teachings from John Assaraf, in his book “The Answer,” relate “energy” as the thing that differentiates one state from the other. For example, the protons, neutrons and electrons that make up all matter are the same particles. Why have some particles combined to become water atoms, others to become gold atoms, and so on? The current theory of quantum physics is that the energy at the moment of conception drove the distinction, and that energy can be controlled by our thoughts. It is how “thoughts become things.” Therefore, love being energy and energy being the key to attraction, it makes complete sense to me that by sharing our love inwardly and outwardly we can attract the kind of life that we want for ourselves and those around us in the world. And, following Ms. Williamson’s advice, by outwardly sharing our love we can impact the course of the world and move it to a better, more positive and less fearful place.
Remembering the adage that “FEAR=False Expectations Appearing Real” reminds us that we can actually make our fears real if we dwell on them and give them the energy of the ego. By releasing our fears and letting our love shine through, we can make our lives better, stronger, and more productive while spending (or wasting) less time inventing situations that could go wrong, but rarely do.
Until Next Time,
Julius
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